Another year - another financial summary. I feel like each year is completely finished when the tax bill is due and that's the benchmark of how well one has done once the double lines are drawn.
It was a hard year for everyone and the strangest in most everyone's memory. Closings, shutting down, everything stopped and at a snail's pace, opened back up. I was lucky enough to have a job during shelter in place and for the first 9 months of 2020 while everyone in the entertainment industry seemed to be put on permanent hold, I was able to buy my shredded wheat and coffee.
At the close of each year I go back and calculate the opportunities, successes, and losses of my little iron lung as an actor. And if nothing else, it's consistent. This is a look into what others around me misconceive as a successful career.
For 2020 on the film/TV and the Commercial sides, respectively, the breakdowns were as follows:
Film/TV: 117 submission, 16 auditions, 1 booking. Commercial: 68 submissions, 15 auditions, 3 callbacks, 0 bookings.
The comparison is identical within 3% to 2019 and 2018. For the fifth year in a row I've had a negative income for acting. It's never made me any money after backing out the cost of auditions, headshots, training, contributing to the TXMPA, travel, and actor websites. Yet, I hear from casting directors, AD's, and producers "J.R. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about because you work all the time." *LOL*. Did I miss something?
All my life I've had a recurring buzz all around me. He's so successful - He's so rich - Look at him. If you come to my house and are impressed by what I have, just don't turn it around because I always put the crack to the back and don't mind that smell because there has been a river running under my duplex for 3 months now and not getting any better because of constant rain for the last two weeks and all the books are curling up because I haven't been able to run the air conditioner for 3 weeks - it's hot and humid in here. I drive an 18 year old car. I am confident in myself so I guess that can be mistaken for success - and in most things that matter, that really is success. But, at the end of each year, I look at the double line and try to make sense of why I chose to go into this line of work when it can't even bring me to $0 after tax reconciliation.
The feeling of getting to do what I'd dreamed about since I was old enough to talk and the times I'm actually on set - in front of the camera - working along side talented people both behind and in front of the lens - that's the crazy energy that keeps me going. Even though that only happens once or twice a year, it cancels out the days waiting to hear back if I got a booking after a really great audition that led to a callback and all the missed trips and opportunities caused by sitting by the phone waiting for - and never learning why - the opportunity passed me by. For years I thought it was nothing I was doing wrong and then a couple of years ago I started looking inward - after all I am the only constant in this conundrum - and I started taking serious acting training that I could drive to or zoom into and afford.
I'm part of the largest agency in the state and I can see that I'm submitted on everything that I fit the specs for and some things that it's even stretching the imagination. But, the sad reality is that's where agency support seems to end - I'm not a big enough name to be pitched. I have a couple of side hustles that keep me afloat and from going into the hole. I luckily have no debt and when I run dangerously low on funds I just eat tunafish and have a lemon juice and lettuce salad. I knew these were the risks when I left a near six figure income mortgage career to start this dream but each year I wonder when the dream will become a reality. I've never yearned to be famous - I just wanted to work.
So, all those stories of actors that land their first big role and during their Johnny Carson interview they reveal they were down to $3 in their checking account and about to give it all up so they could afford to have a loaf of bread and a pork chop, my question is; how many times a year do you have to go through that and for how many years before something actually materializes? I've never been jealous of anyone's success but I do wonder, at the end of the day, when is it my turn?
Thanks 2020, you were a bear. So were 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, and 2015. 2021, if you're listening, would you like to just grab a coffee and see if we can be friends? I'll pick up the check!
